A wAlk To rEMEmBER......

I can embrace myself, hold my own hand, love me - but I can't gaze into my own eyes and feel my own soul lift me up.....


I'm confused beyond words....

am i over you or still into you?... we fell in love under ridiculous circumstances. what we had is what people call foolish, utterly dumb. but deep down you know and i know the feelings we shared for each other. we refused to succumb to what the world thought of us initially, but as time goes by u cant help but think, what if what they are saying is true?

yet, you didn't let me give up. you convinced me that what we had is not normal but we can make it work.

i have never met you, yet i feel like i know you , i have never heard your voice, yet i can hear u whispering in my ear every night, i have never hold you, yet i can feel you.

you were never my fling. i really really loved you.you were just what i needed and what i have asked for. intelligent, cute, extraordinary, unconventional and serious almost like a father figure.

it gets lonely sometimes, suffocating, i drown in my own sorrows, i need you. i want you. everytime i think of you, i just want you back. ill never love another like how i loved you. you touch my heart, my soul. you cared. you listened, you loved with all your heart.

its been months. why am i still in love with you? isn't the feelings suppose to subside by now? everytime i think im over you, after a few seconds i realise I'm not.

why do i search for you in every guy i meet? even a slight glimpse of your personality would make me happy.

i miss you more than you know!

no one i met comes close to you. you came into my life when i was down and broken. nothing was making sense anymore. you helped me to put back the pieces together.you thought me to appreciate what i have. to see life in a different light.

how do i let go off you? how do i let go of the memories? how do i let go of what we had?

i often ask myself, were you a blessing or a curse?

honestly, i don't know...

your both i guess....... but definatly more of a blessing...

a blessing because you opened my heart to the beautiful feeling of being in love. you made my cluttered world seem beautiful. you never gave up on me no matter how much i push you away. at the time when my own gave up on me, you came in my life and held me close as if im your baby and told me you will always have my back no matter what and you will take care of me. that promise kept me going.

a curse because you opened my heart to the feeling of being in love. Now i want it, i crave for it, ill do anything to feel it again but I'm scared. this feeling is addictive. its like a drug that will pull you in deeper and deeper until there is no way out.


i love you but i hate you. i love you because of who you are and i hate you for being what you are....



all i can say for now is that, thank you for being the best. thank you for my best friend, thank you for being my confidante, thank you for loving me more than i could love you.

thank you for changing my world forever..



in my heart, i know ill meet you one day. :)