dirty money..

the more you're not focused on showbiz and instead focused on life, learning about other people, and keeping your eyes open and trying to be aware of the world.

like any normal day, i come in to work, start surfing through all my favorite websites, facebook, people.com,in style.com its always a must for me to browse through Oprah.com. like any other day, nothing was new, same old same old, suddenly.... something warant my attention. Oprah, someone i had looked up to from 10 years old was about to interview prostitutes from the Notorious Bunny Ranch Brothel.This is 'bizarre' because you would never think Oprah would actually do a show that was thought of as condoning prostitution.

its not that surprising right? after all its just a brothel and haven't she done shows like that before? her correspondent Lisa Ling, has gone undercover and has done numerous interviews about the growing number of kids becoming prostitutes, how they live and their daily struggle. So why is this show so different? why is this generating negative reviews?

She awakened my curiosity, being her no 1 fan and an avid follower of her, i got to admit i was rather disappointed with her choice of topic for her show.
was she so desperate for ratings that she stop thinking straight?
Why in the world would Oprah record a show on the notorious bunny ranch brothel?
now for those of you who don't know what this brothel is all about and why is it so notorious?, let me fill you in..
Bunny Ranch Brothel was a normal high class brothel in Nevada which generates very good income anually because of their up market customers. It was already famous and was about to get much more famous thanks to Natalie Dylan, a high school graduate who decided to put up her virginity for auction to pay her way through college. her cherry(literally) has been on auction since the past 10 months and till now has generated the highest bidder with the amount of 3.8 million.

That's big amount for someone who is going to use that for college. You would think miss Dylan is one happy woman laughing her way to the bank.. nope. not yet. she wants to continue this auction until the hype dies down.. when will that be? i am not sure if it will ever die down. This type of news only would generate more attention by the day, don't you think?

Again this news got loads of negative press and this auction has not settle well with people,especially woman. Being a woman myself.. I'm thinking what the hell was she thinking but again i know what she was thinking.. she wants to put herself through college, she would do anything to study even if it means selling her body to some rich stranger. maybe we are forgetting something, she is in America and its not known as the land of opportunity for nothing.Bet you, this hype would not die down just like that, according to reports Miss Dylan has been offered a movie deal just by announcing this. 3.8 million and now a movie offer...its just so unfair! make me wanna put up mine! :)

getting back on track, why am i disappointed with Oprah? let me explain....

prostitution is not easy , i admit that, but its not like this girls are forced into it, they are there by choice.Oprah should have known better than to let viewers view more closely into the lives of this prostitutes because unlike other hookers this ones are more well off and they live a happy life due to the good money they make from their customers.
i was watching the show and i was amazed with the coolness surrounding it all. didn't Oprah realise what message she was sending out to teenage girls who watches her show? if i was 15 and i was watching a show on how well a hooker earns and is happy about it wouldn't i get influenced? I would!

i think Oprah should have took the time to sit down and think about the consequences this show would have had on young teenage girls who are suffering from peer pressure,financial problem and low self esteem. they would easily get sucumned into this fairy tale land. being a role model to millions of young girls Oprah has some kind of responsibility towards what is right to be shown and what is not.

I know we are only humans and we make mistakes, but this mistake would have cost us badly. what if this girls really got influenced? this brothels are waiting to lure girls in,especially young girls. I know Natalie Dylan is already doing it and young girls are aware of it but what was not right was that Oprah was talking about it has if it was fine.

I'm not asking for any kind of discrimination against hookers, I'm just saying do not show any signs that you support it because this girls would think its OK to become a prostitute because if Oprah can talk about it has if its like any normal job than it should be OK.

the world is changing,without us realising the media is taking over our life. it influences so much to an extent it can make or break you. that's why they should be very aware of what they are airing and how will it influence the mind of young people today.

Places in the Heart...

A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for...

dear Gul,

This letter is from my heart for you, to thank you for coming in into my life....

thank you baby for your toothless grin
thank you for always making me smile with your antics
thanks you for teaching me something about myself every day
thank you for bringing out the child in me
thank you for letting me to take care of you
thank you for your baby talks that just melts our heart all the time
thank you for being in my life
thank you for accepting me
thank you for letting me to guide you
thank you for bringing out the best in me
thank you for making all of us closer
thank you for forgiving me for my silly mistakes

Gul Saharra Kaur Walia, u will always be my baby girl, i love you so much. more than you could ever know. you exist in a part of me that will never die. you touch my soul, with your laughter, your baby talks, you beautiful face, and your ever enduring smile. i cant imagine life without you.

We have learned so much about you, and we have learned much FROM you.you are a good little teacher, and you have taught us in a way that no teacher can ever do about compassion, perseverance, unconditional love from the heart. you make me a better person everyday. thank you baby for everything you have done for me, for touching my soul.like i always say, i owe you my life so come what may, i will always be there for you no matter what. the joy that you bring into our hearts everyday, no one could ever do that. you have thought me to love unconditionally and i will forever be indepted to you for it.. from the bottom of my heart...
Thank you Gul....

pua.... <3

Mall Rat.....

You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better.

think its the man i am referring to?, i have got news for you,
its not!
its about a problem i have been having for a while now. I'm going through a phrase of complete and utter denial of my financial state. I am a self confessed but not ashamed of it shopaholic! I'm addicted to anything that makes me look and feel good...
isn't every girl?
yes! but i can seem to control mine and its taking a toll on my bank balance...
i don't know how do i stop it?
I'm not sure in my sick head i would want too also..m enjoying it! this blissful feeling of getting something that u don't really need, its just very settling.
its like there is mall demon who take over me when I'm shopping, i cant remember a thing and the only time i come to senses is when its time to hand in the cash.. then it hits me.... what am i doing? i look up at the cashiers face forcing a fake forced smile, plotting my exit,i look left and right finding the easiest way out..and as I'm about to turn to escape; i realise itsssss tooo latee, his waiting for the money with a now almost gonna burst smile....
Live in my head and u will know how complicated it is..
i have two addiction....
one i want to get rid so badly another one i am forced to get rid until a tycoon finds me, falls in love,and we walk into the sunset together....
back to reality sheetal!
The food part somehow in someway I'm accepting it and working on it,but man the shopping part...hmmmmmmm....
Its always been like that for me.... do something that people forbid you to do.i love the thrill, the pull in the heart, the rush i get just to do something i'm not allowed to...
maybe i should start chewing gum, or read up about bugs, or find out how many teeth a crocodile has just to keep my mind off shopping...
piece of advice... do not rely on self help books to help you..it really doesn't work. it actually got me to go forever 21 and get a beautiful black dress for myself.....
Window shopping is never an option for me.. i would eventually reach out the window and touch the item... so thats out!
i need to keep away from malls..period!
i need rehab people! complete isolation from the retail world....
think wanna learn to play the flute....
the government should come up with a new rule. every month all the girls would get subsidiary allowance to buy CLOTHES!
in my ideal world which i live in half the time... the government pays us to look good...hey come on think about it.... we are setting a good image for the tourist...that will flourish our economy... maybe just maybe someone gotta suggest to the government, maybe it can be me!

there I go again...living in my fantasy world.......

LiFe or something like tht....

last night the family decided we would as a loving family would go out for dinner together for some bonding time... off we went to gourmet terrace our favorite restaurant.. im quite convinced that we are contrbuting almost half of their profits there..thts how often we actually go.
Anyways, thats not my point.... my point is, i enjoy family dinners epecially when its only the four of us. the chemistry between us is just so overwhelming. But yesterday something was amiss,at least for me.. we laughed, we joked, the talked,we discussed but something was not right. it was right there and then it hit me..... in 2 months it will not be the 4 of us anymore. Gurmin, my sister is leaving to australia. time is flying even sooner than i thought before you know it, she will be gone.
how am i gonna live without her. my best friend,my confidant,my sister,my teacher,my mentor,my guardian angel, my mum,my life...
we fight, we disagree with everything, we have contradicting views, we are diffrent people but our hearts belongs t each other. today as i am sitting here at work, i regret all those times where is wasted my time iriating her,making her angry...i wish i could just turn back time and give her all the happiness she deserves and much more.
i find it much easier to write my feelings rather than saying it. this are my thoughts which i never knew i had, its not from my head but from my heart...
how do i tell her not to go?
am i being to selfish?
yes i am..
But isnt that part of human nature?
to never detach yourself from something that brings you so much of joy... i guess i have to let go.
all my life people have been walking in and out of it, but she stayed, she forgived me for all my sillyness along the years. she always had my back.even at the worse times, i always knew she would be there...

i guess i fear that she would forget me, she would find new people to hang out with, she would just drift away like how the others did.....